


It's Horrendous

by RJLupin



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book 5: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Broadway, Comedy, Filk, Gen, Grimmauld Place, Hogwarts, Hogwarts Fifth Year, Parody, Song Parody, Summer, The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-06
Updated: 2014-09-06
Packaged: 2018-02-16 07:24:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2260989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RJLupin/pseuds/RJLupin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius gives Harry a tour of the Ancient and Most Noble House of Black, and just can't help but complain. A song filk to "It's De-Lovely" from the musical Anything Goes.</p><p>It's appalling<br/>It's atrocious<br/>It's horrendous.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Horrendous

**Author's Note:**

> "It's Horrendous" to the tune of "It's De-Lovely" from the 1987 revival of Anything Goes.
> 
> I filked this song during summer 2004.

**Sirius**  
The house is black, it's just no fun  
And if I were you, I'd turn and run  
It's appalling, it's atrocious, it's horrendous  
  
It's okay if you don't know why  
You'd want to stay here, 'cause nor do I  
It's appalling, it's atrocious, it's horrendous  
  
Yet it's the perfect place  
For the Order to meet face to face  
'Cause I doubt anyone would come here otherwise  
What a surprise  
  
There's no way I could ever love  
This house 'cause all it reminds me of  
It's appalling, it's atrocious  
It's so outrageous, it's incongruous  
It's demented, it's so bizarre, it's grotesque  
It's horrendous!  
  
 _Sirius and Harry have now reached the part of Grimmauld Place around the portrait of Mrs. Black. Remus comes down the hallway and tells them to be quiet_  
  
 **Remus**  
Padfoot, don't be so loud around  
Right here you know you shouldn't make a sound  
 **Sirius**  (loudly)  
Hey Moony, will you shut your trap?!  
I'm showing Harry this crap!!!  
  
 _Sirius is too loud, and this causes Mrs. Black to start screaming_  
  
 **Remus**  (sarcastically)  
Padfoot, you stay quiet so well  
You got your mother to come shriek and yell  
 **Sirius**  
Moony, go bite yourself  
I'll make her shut up but give me some help  
  
 **Mrs. Black**  
Damn mudbloods and halfbreeds!!!  
Scum and bloodtraiting brat!!!  
All of you better leave!!!  
  
 _Sirius and Remus close the curtain. Sirius gestures at the portrait to Harry_  
  
 **Sirius**  
My mother's here, she yells and screams  
She's stuck forever, and that's so mean  
It's appalling, it's atrocious, it's horrendous  
  
We'll have to decontaminate  
This house I hate, it's in a bad state  
It's appalling, it's atrocious, it's horrendous  
  
You can tell with one peer  
It's awful to be stuck living here  
You can hear my dreadful mother shrieking all day-

  
 **Mrs. Black**  (comes out from behind the curtain again)  
Filth, scum away!  
  
 _Sirius closes the curtain again, then leads Harry through the rest of the house. When the tour is over, they are back near Mrs. Black's portrait, and Harry realizes that he doesn't like the house much either_  
  
 **Harry**  (getting steadily louder)  
I certainly do see your point  
The reason why you despise this joint  
It's appalling, it's atrocious, it's-  
  
 _Sirius quickly covers Harry's mouth before Harry gets too loud and causes Mrs. Black to start screaming again. Harry sings again in a whisper_  
  
 **Harry**  
It's horrendous


End file.
